Trust In Yourself

If you've talked to me at any point during the last, oh, five weeks then you would know how stressed I've been. I had my first Anatomy and Physiology class which wrapped up today. So, obviously today was the comprehensive final. To say I was anxious would be an understatement.

Honestly, this whole class was hard for me. I studied. I did homework. I read. I still felt like the subject matter was always just slightly out of reach. But you know what? I plugged along and kept at it. I did. I studied more. I did my homework. I talked (or whined) to people and got advice on how to deal with it.

The final was 218 points and 30% of my grade. Kind of a big deal. So, I made a decision this morning. I decided to use pen on my test. That alone was stressful and it may sound silly. Why did I choose that? Well, you see, I have this little issue called self-doubt.

While using pencil, I've been known to question myself and change the right answer to the wrong answer. Self-doubt kicked me in the butt! With pen, I had to really think and commit to an answer. Now granted, I did change ONE question still but it worked out in my favor as I had the wrong answer and changed it to the right one.

When all is said and done I ended up with 213/218 points on the final, which is about a 98%, and I most definitely have an A in the class I was so worried about. Bottom line? I worry too much.

I guess I just need to keep working hard and trust in myself a bit more.

Do you have that issue too?

Trust vs. Belief

{photo by purplejavatroll}

 I just started my fourth session of college. These babies FLY by. I know I have quite a few to go but at this rate I'll be done before I know it. I'm currently taking my first (of three) Anatomy & Physiology classes and College Math. I have to say I'm nervous about both. My hubby says "Yeah but you say that every time and you're fine" and he's so right. Why do I worry so much?

So far, I've gotten high A's in all my classes even the ones I was nervous about. I think I just need to trust that I'm where I'm supposed to be and God will bring me through it. At church on Sunday we talked about the difference between trust and belief. Our pastor related it to rock climbing. Belief is seeing someone else strapped in and knowing that the ropes will hold them. Trust is being strapped in, ourselves, stepping over the edge and knowing we will be held. It's so true.

I have been believing for years. Believing in God that is. But do I, on a daily basis, trust God with my life? Actually step out over the edge and trust. I don't think so. It's a hard thing to admit. Honestly, I think I've been close a few times. I think I've trusted and then reneged my trust occasionally.

What has that brought me? Fear. Such an abundance of fear and worry. What if I don't pass this test? What if I am wasting time and lots of money? What if? What if? What if? So, as of right now, I am silencing the "what ifs" with a new question.

When has God let me down before?

Answer: He hasn't. So, why would he start now. Oh sure, there have been lots of things in life that didn't turn out the way I anticipated. No, they were so much better in the long run. Yes, I've had so many hurts in my life. And I'm okay with that.

God has got me just like he always has. I just need to trust it.

Five Weeks & Two Classes Down

Somehow it has already been five weeks since I started school. How is that possible? So, that means I am done with my first two classes. My final grades? A's baby! Technically I don't have my grade back in one class, but there's no way I'm below an A. I'm so proud of myself! 

Next up? English Communications and Medical Terminology. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous but that's okay. I know I will make it. I've met some great people so far, as well, so that's great!

As I keep going I know my studying and homework time will increase even more. I'm trying to be prepared for that. 

In my new uniform!

I'm so thankful that I have such awesome, supportive people in my life especially my hubby. Love that man! Thank you everyone for your positive comments. I would still appreciate any prayers or thoughts as I continue on. 

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Two Weeks Down!

The last time we talked, you know - really talked, I was just about to start college. You may have gotten the gist that I was nervous. Nah, not me. Okay, yes. I was definitely nervous. Dare I say it has gotten better? It most definitely has. That's not to say I have lost all worries and fears completely. I am me, after all. So, in case you were wondering how it is going, here is an update. In list form. Because I'm tired.

• I'm just starting my third week.  
• There are only 10 school days of these particular classes left.
• It's become obvious to me that I'm too hard on myself. I got a 95% on a homework assignment and beat myself up about it. 
• I'm bummed because I'm having to miss Abby's Veteran's Day program this week. 
• Apparently, I am a different student now. I'm not as worried about answering questions in class anymore.
• There's a test, my first, coming up on Monday.
• We also have to give a short speech at the end of one of our classes.
• Did I mention I worry too much? I've already worried about what I'll do with the kiddo in the summer. Yes, I know it's Fall.
• I've discovered I can no longer listen to music while studying. In fact, I don't think it was ever a good idea.
• I'm still trying to figure out how to make time to workout as well. Tricky stuff.
• So far, I have a 99.94% in one class and a 100% in another. 
• I feel so proud of myself already.

Thank you all for your support and love. I appreciate you all and will keep you posted on my progress!

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